bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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