my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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