My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
