U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I CAN MOONWALK!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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