remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
