You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
