Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
