Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
