I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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