I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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