you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
