I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
