Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
