it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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