Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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