i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
