mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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