Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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