omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
