I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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