she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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