I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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