Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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