Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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