No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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