dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
