Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
