i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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