I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's like heaven, but drunker
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
