How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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