Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just cut my nipple shaving
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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