Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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