Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
