how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
