69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
as a side note pls kill me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
