He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
