I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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