Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
