Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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