Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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