got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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