You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
