you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
