Plan B is the new Plan A
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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