im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
