youre lurking in front of me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
