That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
