forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
