Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
