I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
