your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
