What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
