at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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